


Falling: In → & Down ↓

by NanakiBH



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Community: 500themes, Introspection, M/M, Quiet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-07
Updated: 2011-01-07
Packaged: 2017-12-09 06:57:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In "love" and "dedication" there is always the lingering possibility that you may never see tomorrow the same way you saw today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling: In → & Down ↓

There is a place that scares the living hell out of him.

Standing what seems like miles above the dusty streets of Midgar is the Shinra Building. At the center of the city, the building towers into its grey heavens as the ruler of everything within the enveloping embrace of its polluted sky. It isn't the building itself that Reno finds frightening. Its sheer mass and height are frightening themselves, but that wasn't it either. 

Looking down from the top, sharing the building's own perspective, makes everything below feel so far away and insignificant. It's just a waste of time to let it bother him, but he remembers spending so long down there as one of the ants that are stepped on beneath the giant's foot.

His job makes him return to the roof more often than he likes. He doesn't get the same feeling when he's piloting a helicopter or when he's sitting next to the window on the 66th floor – just a sense of vertigo that usually goes away after a minute if he stares hard enough into the distance and wills himself to feel his own presence back into his seat.

But when he's standing next to the edge of the roof, he feels nothing but intense fear. Every time, he pulls the key for the helicopter out of his pocket before he even reaches the door to the roof and always gets in before anyone else.

If he stands too close to the edge, it will just remind him of what he has and how easily it can be lost. He doesn't know if it's fate that decided these things for him or if it was just the unpredictable whims of an eccentric billionaire, but he knows for sure that he doesn't want to lose it. To someone, he is important and that gives him more meaning than a speck on the street.

Reno's sure that everyone else must share this opinion. Regardless of who they were to start with, there is no better option than this for anyone. It is the only option above living precariously on the ground where your life hinges on the fragile pillars or the day to day tyranny of living in a slum.

Which is why he wonders why he sees Rufus at the edge so often.

For only the reason that he finds him there so often, the roof has become Reno's favorite place, even despite how much it terrifies him.

There's a railing there, but it never keeps away that feeling of _falling_ that he gets when he stands too close. It makes him wonder why he doesn't feel that way in the helicopter.

 

The day is no different than any other. He needs to move the helicopter himself and Rufus is standing by the far corner of the roof. Briefly, Reno thinks it's nice to see him without having to make an excuse. Running into each other is fair enough.

The key stays in his pocket, he reaches the edge, sits next to him, and lets his legs hang through the railing. He closes his eyes, presses his forehead against the cold metal. It really is colder higher up, even though heat is supposed to rise and there's so much pollution. It's just so cold.

Rufus' fingers feel good through his hair, warm.

It's easier for him to feel when his eyes are closed and easier to pretend that he doesn't feel like falling off. There's only a few flimsy metal bars between him and open air, certain death. The view itself can kill and he doesn't want to ponder too long about things that have already plagued his thoughts enough. He already has the ultimate prize for enduring right next to him.

“You should be leaving,” Rufus mutters, drawing his hand away.

Reno dares to crack open an eye to look up at him. His expression is moody-blank, indistinguishable; hard to say what he is thinking about, if anything at all. His eyes move back and forth over what lays below them, though. The little giant himself stands next to Reno looking so small compared to what he had expected him to be. This person doesn't make him feel like he'll be crushed if he fell. It all seems worth it when he thinks of it like that.

“Boss,” he starts. It sounds like he must have left his voice all the way down there, so he tries again. “Boss, do you... What are you thinking about when you're up here?”

Rufus tenses visibly, but if Reno blinked, he knew he would have missed the slight shudder. He passes it off as a response to the cold air and forgets about it. Rufus lifts a hand at last and runs his fingers along the railing. His fingers are long, delicate, perfect, and a blessing to anything that they come in contact with.

“I don't know,” he says. There's a sadness beneath that blank facade. “I don't really think about anything.”

Feeling bolder, Reno reaches out between the bars with both arms. This all belongs to Shinra and he imagines being able to grab everything he can see in front of him in his hands and hold it all in his arms. “When I'm up here, I think about falling,” he says. He doesn't mention what else he imagines, because none of this belongs to him. As a member of Shinra, everything is just temporarily on loan to him. One could say he still doesn't have anything if he looks at it from that angle, but he chooses to tilt his head the other way.

The vice president nods and Reno thinks that maybe he's just been tired this whole time. All at once, it seems that there's everything and nothing for this man to do and he can only imagine how exhausting that must be. It's moments like this where he leans on Rufus and hopes that he'll lean back. Someday, maybe, he thinks. He'll be more help to him someday.

“I think about falling, too,” he says, letting his eyes linger on Reno's face.

Reno looks right back, accepts his gaze, and has to wonder this time why it sounds like such a bad thing. He knows how easily his boss can wander around words where he's involved, where what they have is involved in particular, but he knows he isn't talking about taking a dive off the side of the building.

He considers that he was wrong, realizes a second later that he must have been.

To at least one person, this is not the best option. For him, there are hardly any best options, let alone “options” at all.

He clutches Rufus' pant leg suddenly, his mouth drawing itself into a thin line.

He doesn't want him to think about falling.

But if he does, he wants to fall with him.


End file.
